How do I put these feelings into words? The English language just doesn’t seem to be able to explain this deep crushing feeling in my soul. It’s like a huge Jules-shaped pit in my heart, at times swirling with rage, other times overflowing with tears, just deep, endlessly deep. Always there.
I miss you Jules. We all do. Every single day. In so many ways.
You always looked to find a way to connect with people, to find their light, even if they didn’t see it for themselves, and tried to help it shine brighter. You were happiest when those you loved were happy. You loved an entranced audience. Your stories. Ah man, I would give anything for one more chance to sit on the stoep and listen to you animatedly telling us just one last tale of what could have been one of a thousand adventures from your life, your travels, your experiences. All the best stories were times spent with Myrtle, the way your whole being lit up for her, the way you love her showed me what true, for real, actual love is. Oh boy, and could you throw a party!!! Dude.
I often look across the farm and fully expect to see you walking up to the house from the workshop, that quirky smile as you come to tell us about some randomly insane phone call or a glorious idea that’s just come to you. Or even better; in your hands is a little tub for us to sample, ‘definitely the next Amber Cup winner’ you’d say with a proud grin. Or you’re grumbling. Damn cops are out there destroying peoples lives, or one of the usual trolls is up to their low down snarky trickses again.
In fact, our very last conversation was about the trolling. The last message from your phone to mine was the night you were taken from us. I hadn’t been on social media much for a few days, I was too busy looking after my mom. We had a coffee date for the next morning before I had to go home, you were going to show me all the posts I hadn’t seen yet, I was cross (I always get a bit cross at the trolling, it’s so low vibration and often borderline defamatory), but we were going to have a laugh anyway.
That was at 22h33. They came at approximately 01h55 and everything changed.
Every. Single. Thing.
Those evil, vile soul-less bastards (who are still out there possibly roaming a street near you might I add), stole the life of a legend, a hero, if I may be so bold. Not only in the cannabis community. To me. To my sons. Jules, you were the big brother I’d spent most of my life wishing for. Family for the soul. It feels like I’d just found you, 7 years of friendship weren’t nearly enough, there was still so much I wanted to learn from you.
I can’t imagine a day where I won’t think of you. Such a day will never exist. Happy Birthday Matey. – Jo